Saturday, April 29, 2006

La vie Boheme

Recently I've been mulling over the idea of why the "Underworld" is so tantalizing, so facinating. As a christian, you aren't allowed to have sex before marriage, don't swear, don't do this, don't do that, obey the 10 commandments.
It is all about what you put into your mind. When I put, oh I dunno, Avril Lavigne in your head all the time I end up feeling twice as sad and depressed as when I pressed the play button. However, when I put christian music, or music with hope in it's message, I feel uplifted and less depressed. Often I am tempted to get my ear cartilidge pierced, get a tattoo, live like a demi-bohemian. Make out, say what I want, etc. etc. etc.
The point is this; living like a bohemian is to celebrate chaos. It is to ignore the small voice of the Holy Spirit, which, I believe lives in everybody. The bohemians just don't listen to it. That's why they celebrate chaos, rather than cosmos. They stand "naked" to the world, perhaps wearing a chulla, screaming the worst kinds of profanity which aren't even eloquent. They are the bohemians. I have dipped my fingers into that world, tasted it's bitter-sweet flavor. Like chocolate and tobacco. Red wine. Old red wine. And yet, it leaves me wanting, lacking, empty and alone. With little or nothing but the next good time to celebrate rather than perservere through the bad times with the hope of tomorrow. Tomorrow is ALWAYS better. Always. Being bohemian doesn't fufill who I am and what I want to say.
I want to speak with intellect, with people who think. I want my art to reflect what I see in the world, what I think of the world, and who I am. Or who I quest to be.
I want to be a woman of confidence, of intelligence in a world of chaos. I want to be cosmos. I am an artist, I can't deny that. I believe in being just a little crazy, rather eccentric, because it lends variety to life. It makes each day interesting.
You don't have to know what you're making, just as long as it turns out. You don't have to know, just be willing to quest, and change.
Confidence is a must, though not arrogance.
Self-respect is a must, though not piety.
Tolerance is a must, though not to the point of allowing the world to trample you.
Questioning and listening to your mentors are musts as well.
Being true to you is vital, although weigh well what the heart says with what the head says.

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